I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Randomize