exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
