I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
i drank out of a bidet.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
