so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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