absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
