I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
