Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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