i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Randomize
