I can feel you judging me through the phone.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
