My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I am one with the molecules
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
