Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
