foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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