someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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