R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
