i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
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