You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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