Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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