I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
