There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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