It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
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