FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
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I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
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I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
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