It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
why do cheetos always look like penises
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Randomize
