I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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