I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
