I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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