Can Purell be used as lube?
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
