Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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