I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
