I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
