How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
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