I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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