it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
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