i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
No subtext here. People are naked.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
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How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
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He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
He has the fingertips of a God
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