don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Randomize
