A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
