Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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