i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
