I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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