she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
do nipples grow back?
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