I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
please don't ironically join a cult
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