i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
