What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize