it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
