Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
me + whiskey = a bad person
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
