Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
