I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
