i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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