Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
