Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
