I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
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