pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
