Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
