if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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