this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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