My hand turned me down
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Randomize
