After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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