I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Randomize
