is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
