I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
