were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
