Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
