I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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