The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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