Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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