Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
